Although the women of the United States are confined within the narrow circle of domestic life, and their situation is, in some respects, one of extreme dependence, I have nowhere seen woman occupying a loftier position; and if I were asked... in which I have spoken of so many important things done by Americans, to what the singular prosperity and growing strength of that people ought mainly to be attributed, I should reply, To the superiority of their women.

--Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Herman Cain Gets Key Endorsment

This just in from the Lulzington Post, Herman Cain has captured the love and respect of the world's greatest Pokemaster, Ash Ketchum.

Ash Ketchum has endorsed Herman Cain for President.

In a huge press conference outside of his humble home (where he still lives with his mother and father figure Mr. Mime), Ash made a riveting speech explaining his endorsement. 
Cain: "The cost of Poke-balls is too damn high!"
"He wants to be the very best, like no one ever was," he began to a cheering crowd. "To enter the race was his real test, to win it is his cause." Concluding, he shook the Hermanator's hand and shouted: "Soon, the voters will understand, the power that's inside! I choose you, Herman Cain!"

The roaring of the crowd represents a huge shift in the Pokemon League's political paradigm. As of late, they had been supporting Mitt Romney based on his recently uncovered massive Pokemon card collection, containing "upwards of 3,000 holographic cards, most of which had writing implying that they had been traded from little children in the late nineties", said AP spokesman Ronald Garner.

The shift to Cain, however, represents Cain's new economic policy: a choice of 9 of each of the starting Pokemon at the beginning of your travels instead of just one. This gives people in the league a much greater chance of picking their "match", because Cain's "9-9-9" plan gives players the choice of 9 Bulbasaurs, 9 Charmanders, or 9 Squirtles, each with their own personality. It also comes off of the heels of Cain's endorsement of Pokemon the Movie 2000:
You see, Herman is a great fan of the title theme to the movie, Pokemon 2000 sung by Donna Summers. He said in the Fox debate that it was great poetry:

Maybe he'd been watching too much Pokemon with the grandkids, but I would remark that the great poets worth quoting are Yeats, Emerson, Milton, etc. I know what you're thinking, that's not fair! Honey, the only fair around here happens in September.

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